Tuesday, June 28, 2005

been a long time

since the last time i was here talking
i found out i'm going to be a Mommy.
after years while being married trying
it just happened. a baby, me and Mike
are going to have a baby.
and i'm scared but delighted.
i had to give up my meds that were
helping me stay in my right mind.
i did not feel psycho anymore.
now i have to deal with everything and no meds.
and sometimes i feel like i want to go to sleep and sleep
for five days.
HeadDoctor says i'm doing GREAT.
so does Mike. so does Eve, my therapist.
i'm still scared. what if the baby is like me?

my Dad is dying. he is in his house
on Long Island and lying in bed crying
because he wants to die. he wants it to end.
and it has not yet. i pray that it does end so
he can be at peace. So all the pain goes away.
please, just let it be over soon.

just let go, Dad. please.

my sister Colleen was married on May 6th and Dad walked her down the aisle.
we were glad. it feels like he stayed to be here for that moment.


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